All My Heart
by ArtemisisSymmetrical
Summary: One carries the physical scars of the self harm he inflicts on himself every night. The other bears the mental scars of constantly being compared to those around him. When these two teens meet at Wammy's Academy for the Musically Gifted, will they heal each other whilst struggling with their newly formed band, or will everything fall apart? MxM LxLight yaoi. Warnings inside.
1. Somewhere I Belong

**Hi everyone, welcome to my brand new fic :D  
Warnings: self harm, attempted suicide, yaoi and lemons.  
Before we start, I would just like to mention something: each chapter is named after a song, and whilst it isn't vital, listening to any chapter song or song performed in the fanfic will make it a lot easier to understand :D  
Disclaimers: I don't own Death Note, or any of the bands and lyrics I mention.**

* * *

**_Chapter 1; Somewhere I Belong by Linkin_ _Park_**

**_Matt POV_**

I stared at the building in front of me. The place was protected by wrought-iron gates, with carefully manicured lawns and white-washed brick walls. A golden plaque inscribed with the words Wammy's House: Academy for the Musically Gifted assured me that I was in the right place.

I suppose I should explain. My real name is Mail Jeevas, but I go by the name of Matt. I'm a 16 year old freak with no dreams or ambitions, unless you count waiting until the lung cancer from my chain smoking hits me and I can curl up and die.

Cheerful stuff, right?

Somehow my skills as a guitarist have landed me a scholarship to Wammy's House, a small private academy on the outskirts of Winchester where teenagers with a gift for music are invited to study and develop their skills, or so according to the brochure they sent me. Of course, I had jumped at the chance: anything to escape my shitty comprehensive school where all there was to look forward to was the end-of-school bell.

I was beginning to have second thoughts about this place however, you could hardly call the place welcoming and the gravel driveway seemed to be about a mile long. I didn't realise that I would be required to do such a large amount of _exercise_, I mean seriously. How many vehicles were they aiming to fit on this stretch, fifty?

I sighed, my uneasiness growing by the tenfold. I had no idea whether I would be accepted by the other pupils here, especially if they were as stuck up and snobby as the building suggested. I seriously hoped that I wasn't about to meet the modern day equivalent of Little Lord Fauntleroy.

Deciding that there was no point in putting off my entrance any longer I began to trudge towards the academy, my feet scuffing up the previously neat gravel on the drive. Oh well. This place probably had a billion servants around to fix the place up. Hell, for all I knew the Queen could live here or something. It was that extravagant.

As I approached the huge doors governed by an archway (honestly, what was this place? A fricken cathedral?) I noticed a blonde leaning against one of the oak trees planted in the lawn, tapping his foot against the ground in a steady rhythm. The Academy had a non-uniform policy and this guy was clearly taking full advantage of it- he was clad head to toe in leather. And I know the weather in September isn't exactly freezing, but surely it was too cold to just be in a vest, albeit a leather one? Maybe this guy was a masochist or something. Hey, I'm not one to judge, as the scars on my wrists prove time and time again.

….Pain helps me cope, okay?

Anyway, I approached Blondie slowly, thinking that I might as well try to make some friends while I was here. Besides, I needed someone to show me around, Wammy's was massive.

"Hey!" I called out as I got closer to him, but he ignored me. Frowning, I continued towards him only to notice the iPod earphones jammed in his ears. Well, at least that explained why he wasn't answering me…

Up close I could see that he his eyes were closed, his body swaying to the music and his hair being blown slightly in the wind. He had an attractive face too… not that I was focusing on it or anything. Nope.

I was about to give up and turn away in search of less-antisocial pupils (ha, like I had room to talk) when he opened his eyes, blinking away the dazedness before jolting slightly in shock.

"What the hell?" he demanded, raising an eyebrow. I raised my hands in surrender.

"Hey, cool it man, I just wanted to say hi…"

"What?"

I motioned at him to remove his earphones. Blondie complied, pausing his iPod before doing so and frowning at me.

"Who the fuck are you?" he asked whilst stuffing his iPod into his backpack, which I hadn't noticed until now. Mostly because I was too busy staring at his body. You can hardly blame me, after all. Those leather trousers were practically screaming "Fuck me!"

Or maybe I'm just a hormonal idiot.

Back to the present.

"I'm Matt."

He stared at me blankly.

"The new guy?" I tried again. Blondie shook his head. "Nope, it's not ringing any bells."

Well, that's nice. Glad to know that they're expecting my arrival.

"But then again," he continued, "I've never paid attention to any of that crap. I don't really care about new students."

"Thanks. I feel so welcome."

He shrugged in response. "Is there anything else?"

I opened my mouth to respond when I heard someone shout my name from the entrance.

"I gotta go," I said hastily, eager to find someone who actually knew I existed. "See you round, I guess…"

He nodded in response and I turned away, not sure what to make of the guy. I mean, sure he was hot and all, but that attitude stunk. It would have been nice for him to at least have learnt my name, after all new arrivals around here were supposed to be a big deal. Or maybe I was just being egotistical?

"Hello." The guy who had been waiting for me on the steps leading to the door greeted me. I raised an eyebrow; this boy was, well… weird. He had an explosion of black messy hair, large vacant dark eyes with massive bags underneath, and pale skin. On his feet he wore a pair of grubby sneakers accompanied by denim jeans and a white shirt (how anyone could keep something like that so clean is beyond me) and he was nibbling gently on his left thumbnail. He looked like someone had reanimated a corpse, minus the decay and maggots.

"Uh… hi…" I replied hesitantly. This guy had an unnerving habit of not blinking and his gaze was putting me off. "I'm Matt, I'm new here."

"I know. My name is L."

Strange name, that. I know my name, Mail, was a bit odd, but a single letter? I decided not to comment on it, I didn't need any enemies. This is conveniently excluding Blondie, obviously. I got the feeling he didn't like me much.

Which was a shame, because he _was_ really good looking.

"Welcome to Wammy's house." L motioned for me to enter the hall. I looked around, the result being surprising. I was expecting pastel wallpaper and a fancy carpet, not plain blue walls and a scuffed wooden floor. At least it was less intimidating, I now felt slightly less like I was about to meet the royal family and more like a student at school.

There was a desk between two wooden staircases which led straight to the upper floor, and to my sides I could see corridors leading off somewhere. Behind the desk there sat a balding old man with glasses perched on the end of his nose. He gave me a disapproving glance as I stood still awkwardly, waiting for L to commence with the tour.

"That's Roger," L whispered, nodding in the direction of the old guy. "He's got a nasty temper, which personally I believe is due to the fact that he is working as a receptionist and caretaker in an academy for musical genii."

I nodded, ignoring the glare I received from Roger as L shepherded me into the corridor running off to the left. "What's down here?" I asked, taking mental notes of the door numbers. Believe me, I had no desire to end my days wandering lost in this labyrinth of a school. Although, it would be significantly cleaner than almost any suicide plan I could think up.

Just saying.

The corridor ended with a spacious dining room with a canteen across the far wall. I could smell something cooking already, and hopefully it wouldn't be disgusting. I've had my fair share of yucky school dinners thanks.

"This is the canteen," L said, nibbling on his right thumb. "I highly doubt I need to tell you what we do here."

"No, you'll have to enlighten me." I replied, trying to get a glance at whatever was being cooked.

L stared at me like I was crazy. "We eat here."

I sighed. "I was being sarcastic." Evidently my sense of humour was lost on him.

He nodded, before turning around and starting down the corridor again. However when we reached the reception L merely pointed to the end of the other corridor. "Down there are the classrooms 10-20 and the form room, where all the students gather when we are not in lessons.

"Unlike normal schools," L continued, "Wammy's doesn't separate by age. Everyone's in the same year here, and we only split up for certain lessons. The large majority of the students are in there already, so good luck."

After that bit of information- which for the record I already knew, I'm not a complete idiot- L began to ascend one of the staircases.

"Hey, wait!" I called. "Where are you going?" Was he expecting me to walk into a room with all the other pupils by myself? I'm probably one of the most socially awkward people in history, and L was going to abandon me in my time of need. Fantastic.

L stopped. "I'm going to the dormitories. Where else did you think they would be?"

Oh. Right. Not all pupils lived in the immediate area and the majority that didn't would room in the school, but since that didn't affect me as I live reasonably close by, I hadn't really put much thought into it.

I shrugged in response to L's question, not wanting to make myself seem even more like a moron.

"You can wait here for me if you like, I won't be long." L offered unexpectedly. I looked up at his face and his expression was genuine, he wasn't saying it just to wind me up or for some cheap laugh. Maybe this place wasn't so awful, I thought. Or maybe L's just a weirdo with no friends. Both were plausible, and under the circumstances, I was tempted to believe the latter.

"Thanks…" I answered, leaning against the wall and pulling out my iPhone whilst he headed upstairs and disappeared out of view. I can keep myself busy playing Angry Birds, after all.

I have no idea how long I had been playing for when Blondie stormed in, red in the face and clenched fists. "What?" he spat aggressively, noticing my curious glance.

Now I was certain that this guy was almost 100% douche. Jeez, take your anger out on someone else! Of course, I didn't say that out loud. I quite like the way my face looks and I didn't fancy any modifications. Especially painful ones.

Instead, I just shook my head.

He didn't bother to say anything else, he just sighed in irritation before brushing past me as he stomped down the hallway to the form room.

"What was that about?" I muttered to myself.

A few minutes later L returned, thank God. If I had been left with only the old geezer of a receptionist for company any longer, I would have gone insane.

L looked happy, as in he was actually smiling. I didn't think he was capable of showing emotion, but, you learn something new each day.

"What you grinning about?" I asked him as he descended the staircase.

"Huh?" he seemed dazed. "Nothing."

"Doesn't seem like nothing to me." I murmured. "Did you get what you needed?" That's when I realised he was empty handed, except for the backpack he had had with him before.

"Yes, but I didn't need to bring it with me. Anyway, shall we continue?"

That was a quick change in subject. Whatever. It's not like it's my business. "Sure."

We walked down the corridor, neither of us speaking. I was too busy trying to memorise the room numbers and their locations again. Several of the doors were ajar, and inside there were a wide range of instruments. One, for example, held several grand pianos whilst another was filled with cases for all kinds of strings. There were ordinary classrooms as well, containing desks and whiteboards and all those other objects that every school aged kid in the world detested with a passion.

I gulped at the sights. Would I even fit in here? The place was stuffed full of music genii and whilst yes, I am a talented guitarist; I am also antisocial and awkward as fuck. I didn't need everyone making fun of me. Been there, done that, got the metaphorical t-shirt.

I dug my nails into my palms, the way I always do when I'm stressed. This was one of the only coping mechanisms that worked for me, but because the world hated me it wasn't helping today.

"Are you alright?" L's voice cut through my thoughts.

"Yeah, fine…" I replied with a grimace. L simply stared at me before speaking again.

"This is the form room. As you know this school is small, so as of now we only have 10 pupils, including us. The large majority of them will be in there right now."

I hadn't realised during my worry that we had reached the door to the form room. I nodded uneasily. "You go first."

L complied, opening the door and entering. I could hear the sounds of laughter and teasing through the narrow crack L had somehow slipped through. Well, here goes nothing, I thought, as I took a deep breath before pushing the door open and entering the form room, wondering what kind of people were in there and whether I would be accepted by them. Would I belong?

* * *

_I wanna heal, I wanna feel  
What I thought was never real  
I wanna let go of the pain I've felt so long  
(Erase all the pain till it's gone)  
I wanna heal, I wanna feel  
Like I'm close to something real  
I wanna find something I've wanted all along  
Somewhere I belong_

* * *

** Updates will probably be random, but i promise to try to update at least once a week.  
...Let's see how long that resolution lasts...  
Please review, I love the feedback, so thanks in advance if you do :D**


	2. Bow Ties on Dead Guys

**Woohoo! Chapter 2 updated pretty much on schedule!*pats self on back*  
Before we begin, I just wanna say something: please don't get offended by Mello's views on subjects such as music. I won't try to lie by claiming that his opinions aren't based on my own, but however unlike Mello I believe everyone has the right to listen to whatever they want. Even if it's shit.  
Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note, nor any of the bands or lyrics mentioned.**

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**_Chapter 2: Bow Ties on Dead Guys by Fearless Vampire Killers  
_**

**_Mello POV_**

How hard is it for me to get a little time by myself before school?

Fucking hard, evidently, considering the morning I've had.

And apparently I suck when it comes to avoiding people too. There I am, rocking out to My Chemical Romance's 'Thank You For The Venom' when some new guy has the nerve to come up and interrupt me, his goggles on his head flashing in the morning sun and clashing horribly with the fur vest he had on over a stripy top.

What have I got to do to be alone round here? Evidently, being an antisocial bastard wasn't working. Could he not tell by the earphones that I was busy?

It didn't help that I jumped when I realised he was standing less than two feet away from where I was standing. Either he's a fucking ninja or my music was too loud.

I already knew the new guy's name: Matt. It was all everyone had been talking about for the last few days: _"I wonder what Matt's like?" "I wonder what instrument he plays?" "Ooh, I hope he's really fit!"_

You know… shit like that.

I like to avoid those kinds of conversations. I'm not one to big up other people and to be honest; I didn't give a fuck about the new pupil. I was pretty certain that he was going to be another pop loving loser. Either that or a classical musician. Hell, someone singing opera was more common here than another rocker.

My name is Mello. If you're clever enough to know that this isn't my real name, good for you. I'm not telling you if you're not. I'm 16 and starting my second year at Wammy's, after missing the last month of the previous summer term, for personal reasons. Aka none of anyone's business.

If you haven't figured out already (Jesus you're slow) I hate pop. And RnB and hip-hop, in fact any genre that isn't part of rock or metal. As far as I'm concerned, if there isn't a proper guitar rift or some kick ass lyrics or a decent vocalist, then it isn't music at all.

So when he tried to introduce himself to me after giving me the fright of my life the poor bastard was walking right into it. But I did manage to contain my anger and brush him off quickly.

Luckily L came and saved the day by calling over Matt to give him a tour of the place, essentially giving me time to get back to listening to my iPod which the redhead had so rudely interrupted.

Redheads… what is it about redheads? I mused. It was my biggest weakness when it came to my tastes in men, and the look on his face as I laid into him (an adorable pout) was seriously increasing his appeal to me. I should've been nicer to him. Maybe he hates me now? I wonder if he's taken…

…

I'm starting to sound like some lovestruck idiot. Jeez… love at first sight isn't real, for fucks sake! Ugh, I needed music to distract myself.

I scrolled down to my playlist of my favourite songs and set them to shuffle. As some Bring Me The Horizon blasted in my ears I checked the time- 8:15am. I had half an hour left before registration and I fully intended it to be spent in musical bliss.

Of course, this is when Near turned up.

I swear that the dickhead in the sky created the twat just to annoy me. The albino nerd was polite, calm and stoic, whereas I'm unpleasant and over-emotional. Three guesses to which one of us everyone preferred. We were like oil and water- we just couldn't mix.

So when he began walking over to the tree I was currently leaning against, I instantly went into Ignoring-the-idiots-around-me mode.

It didn't work.

"Hello, Mello," he said, purely because he knew it irritated me beyond belief.

"What?" I snarled between gritted teeth after yanking one of the earphones out of my ears (not both. No way Near was worth that).

"I just came over to say good morning."

I snorted. Yeah right Near, I thought. And I'm Justin Bieber's biggest fan.

"And I also wanted to ask if you are ready for the exam this afternoon."

…Yep, sure enough. This was his real reason for approaching me.

Basically, Wammy's House has an exam at the beginning and end of each half term as a way of keeping our progress as musicians. The exam consisted of each student performing one song or piece in front of the other students and staff. Mr Gevanni, the music teacher (who for the record is a biased dickhead) alongside our head-teacher Watari decides on the marks. To make things 'fun' Mr Watari decided that the exam was to be a competition with the results published as ranks.

I've been coming second since I first started here.

Near was always first.

So as you probably figured out, we're not best buddies.

"It's none of your business." I snapped. Of course I was ready! I'd been learning the vocals and the guitar chords to the song I was performing over summer, and I knew it perfectly. Every chord, every note, even every scream had been practised over and over to the point where I could play it in my sleep. Probably.

Near began to twist one of his white locks around his finger, looking at me indifferently. "Which song will you be performing this time?"

I scowled. "It's not like you'd know it anyway."

"That's probably true," he said neutrally, "As like the rest of the pupils here I have no time for your so-called music taste."

At this point I was two seconds away from punching him. This coming from the guy who thinks that people like Damian Rice are the world's greatest musicians? No way. Indie in my book is almost as bad as pop, except whilst pop is annoying indie is just plain boring. I've never understood the genre, but Near fancied himself as a one man Mumford & Sons or something.

Unfortunately, so did everyone else.

"Actually, for your information L has a pretty good taste in music." I retorted. Believe it or not, whilst L wasn't quite the die-hard metal fan I was he had a pretty good taste in music, which I discovered after stealing his iPod because I wanted to see what music he was listening to (don't judge). He had a good range, from Sleeping With Sirens to Panic! At The Disco. The only thing missing was the metalcore and screamo, but I let that slide.

So, there's your mind-fuck for today. Enjoy.

Near's face didn't change its usual stoic expression. "That may be so, but it doesn't change the fact that not many people are big fans of it."

"Like I give a shit." And honestly, I didn't. I don't really care what other people think of my music taste, and if they have a problem with it they can fuck right off.

"You still haven't answered my question." Near pointed out.

"And I'm not going to, so why don't you run off back to your toy robots and leave me alone?" Yep, you heard right. Near had an odd fascination with toys from all over the ages, from dolls and wooden blocks to toy cars and dice. Personally that kind of stuff creeps me out- the way dolls stare at you when you enter a room? No thanks.

Luckily I've never been inside Near's dormitory room, so I've never had to experience the terror of multiple glass eyes glaring at you as you walk by.

I guess I should be thankful that I live close by enough to not room here, after all for all I know those toys are gonna come to life and murder all the inhabitants one day. Hopefully starting with Near, partially because the irony of that situation would be fucking hilarious, and partially because then I would be spared the effort of killing him myself.

"I could, but I find spending my time with other people is much more stimulating. Toys, no matter how well made, do not provide decent conversation." He explained, his finger still twirling the lock of hair.

"And I do?" I questioned in surprise- I thought Near ranked no one above his precious pieces of plastic crap.

"No. I just wanted to know what song you were performing, in case I have actually heard it before. An unlikely situation, but it's always best to be prepared, don't you think?"

"I'll prepare something painful for you if you don't piss off." I muttered under my breath whilst mentally counting all the sharp objects I could use to wound him fatally- knives, spears, swords, a biro to the jugular vein…

Near shrugged. "What a shame. I must've made a mistake believing that you might actually talk to me properly for once."

"Oh, I'm _so _sorry that I ruined your little hope." I responded sarcastically. "What do you want next, a hug? A kiss? Or maybe you just want to skip the foreplay and start shagging right here?"

He stared at my blankly.

I facepalmed. "You cannot possibly be so naïve that you don't know what the word shagging means."

"No, I was just mildly horrified at the idea of any kind of physical contact with you, let alone sexual."

That's it! I'm gonna punch him so fucking hard the blood will stain his hair permanently crimson.

…I'll leave you with that pleasant image whilst I beat the crap out of him.

Near was just standing still as my fist homed in on his face-

"Don't even think about it, Mello!"

Fuck! Fucking fuck. I must have the shittiest luck on the planet.

Mr Rester the P.E. teacher, aka Near's guardian angel, was storming towards us at high speed, his ridiculous football socks falling down his ankles. And here I was about to beat the shit out of his favourite pupil. Despite the way he looked Near was actually pretty good when it came to sports. He wasn't the best for once, or even second best, those titles were always jostling between L and Light. I wasn't too bad myself, but obviously Near was better, thus gaining himself a precious little fanboy along the way.

Okay, precious BIG fanboy.

I have no idea why Mr Rester was so big on Near, but the rumours were that Near's family (who are stinking rich apparently) sent him here as a bodyguard to look out for their beloved son. And it was a pretty shady coincidence that they both arrived here at the same time… Of course I wasn't here when they started, thank God.

"What's going on here?" Mr Rester demanded as he eyeballed me- obviously having little effect, there's no way I would ever be intimidated by such a fat idiot- whilst Near stood by, smiling a little as he waited for the huge scolding I would no doubtedly receive.

I scowled, praying in my head that the little shit wouldn't rat me out.

No such luck.

"Nothing much sir, I was simply inquiring about Mello's song choice for this afternoon's exams," Near said innocently. The little creep. "I must've provoked him somehow, and he began to attack me."

"That's not-" I attempted, before Mr Rester cut me off with a wave of his hand. "That's enough, Mihael Keehl."

"That's not my name," I said harshly, trying to prevent my temper from exploding. I fucking hated it when this happened, people referencing me by my real name. Ever since the events last summer involving my brother, I have refused to use that name. "It's Mello. Not Mihael Keehl, bloody Mello!"

"Language!" Rester said sharply. Like he had room to talk, whenever we did track running he called us every insulting name under the fucking sun, minus any cussing because we might report him. I had every mind to, but I'm no snitch.

Unlike Near.

"For your insolence and your behaviour, I'm giving you a detention. Come to the sports hall after school finishes, there are plenty of muddy kits and lost property that need sorting through." Mr Rester commanded as I imagined all the ways I could torture him to death. Slowly.

I groaned inwardly- I've been on detentions in the sports hall before, hell I'm normally in detention once a week, but this was definitely the worst I've received from Rester.

What's the worst I've ever done you ask? Three words: Cleaning. Fucking. TOILETS. They love me here, evidently.

Mr Rester, satisfied that I'd shut up for good (like that would ever happen) walked away as I flipped him off from behind, whilst Near had a smug little grin on his face.

"Fuck!" I cursed as soon as the overweight douchebag moved away. "Bloody motherfucker, I didn't do anything wrong!"

In case you haven't figured out (again, your fricken slow) I swear when I'm angry. Not the most intelligent thing I know, but it stops me from exploding with rage every time someone winds me up.

Tragically, it didn't work against wool-headed geeks, aka Near.

I took a deep breath and counted to ten before skulking off to the entrance of the school.

"Good luck later Mello!" Smugness filled Nears voice and I clenched my fists, wishing I could pound him to next week. He was laughing at me, I could tell.

One thing was for sure- I'd win today, no matter what.

On my way to the form room I found Matt engrossed on some game on his iPhone. Evidently L had left him whilst he went upstairs to do 'something'. I suppressed a snort; he was probably going to Light's room.

Yeah, you heard right. Light Yagami, son of the English and History teacher at the academy, boy genius and musician, is gay. Or is at least bisexual. And his lover was, out of all people, L Lawliet, the panda-eyed drummer with a habit of freaking the shit out of everyone with his weird little kinks.

Not that anyone knew. Light was currently 'dating' fellow student Misa Amane, an aspiring pop sensation and the reason the word bimbo was invented.

I only know about Light and L because I went to L's dormitory room one day to lend him a Fall Out Boy CD and I caught them making out on his bed.

If only my camera had been with me. But then again, whilst photos on my pathetic excuse for a mobile only took grainy shots, it was enough to see who they were and what they were doing.

They practically begged me not to tell anyone, and because I'm such a nice guy I haven't. Besides, it _is _useful blackmail material, and they still don't know about the photographs.

But I digress. Back to Matt, who was now currently staring at me with a look of curiosity on his face as I stormed past.

"What?" I hissed at him and he jumped slightly, some small little voice in the back of my brain cheering because he had done the same to me about fifteen minutes earlier.

Matt didn't answer; he just shook his head, his face betraying his nervousness. I sighed, I really wasn't making this easy for him, and I needed to regain any dignity I had left after this morning's events. I wasn't ready to face anyone, let alone a cute newbie who had only seen the worst of my personality.

I brushed past, stomping along the corridor to the form room. As I reached the door I stopped and groaned, letting all my emotions out as I punched the wall in frustration.

Fuck my life.

Seriously, fuck it. I'm tired of straining to beat people- Near at school and my older brother's legacy around my family.

They just couldn't accept the fact that my brother was gone forever.

I shook my head of my current thoughts, and they returned on to the exam coming up this afternoon. I'm gonna win this time, I thought grimly. Near can go piss off, it's my turn in the spotlight.

The twat's laughter was echoing through my head as I finally opened the door to the form room.

"Just you wait Near," I spat under my breath. "We'll see who's laughing in the end…"

* * *

_So kick and scream all you want,  
And burn down my favourite haunts, yeah  
We'll see who's laughing in the end  
Light up the funeral pyres,  
But you know what you get when you play with fire  
We'll see who's laughing in the end_

* * *

**Well, that's chapter 2 finished :D By the way, speaking of Bring Me The Horizon, anybody out there a fan and heard their new album, Sempiternal? *coughsandpit-turtlecough*  
I think it's their best yet. XD  
Review please, and thanks if you do! :D**


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